Join me in Snarkville

Being snarky is the only thing that makes this place enjoyable. After all, if you can't laugh at others, how do you feel superior?

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Location: Snarkville, Left Coast

Treat me no differently than you would any Queen. I rule my Snarky kingdom with some kind of dignity, but I refuse to add grace. I rule with my Prince of a husband (he can't be King, since he married into his royal title) and my son the Duke of Snarkville.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Today I must ask WHY

Why, I need to know, do simple things like "going to bed," "going to the potty," "getting dressed," and (my favorite) "put your underpants on." Always have to be met with the word, "NO" Followed by simple acceptance of the aforementioned fate, with a simple re-phase of the question.

Go to bed: Ask as follows, please: "Would you like Daddy to read you Thomas?"
Go to the potty: Ask as follows, please: "Would you like Mommy to read a book?" OR "Do you want some chocolate/TV/me not to poke my own eyes out?"
Get dressed: Ask as follows, please: "Would you like a bar?" (a bar in this house is a NutraGrain bar and is currently Duke's prefered PRE-breakfast.)
Put your underpants on: Ask as follows, please: "Do you want to ________?" Fill in the blank with any single action that Duke is currently headed toward -- it has been everything from "climb on the bed" (removed shoes AND put underpants on); "have dinner" (yes, even in snarkville we require underpants at the table -- no shirt is ok -- but underpants are required); "play with your trains"; "leave time-out."

Now, what I don't get is that I'm a fairly direct kind of person --- ok, no one ever accused me of beating around bushes or not spouting off when a thought came across my mind. See why I have no life and fewer friends. But my son seems to have become the MASTER of not being direct. We must never ask for exactly what we want. We MUST go through this complex guessing/question game which is almost always followed by a ticklefest or giggles, to brake the tension lest I eat him and pick my teeth with his toe nails.

However, I have to admit that I play into this on occasions. Like when he asks for something and I declare -- "can you do the '_____' dance?" All of Duke's dances include the word repeated over and over and over and over again with a few "dance" steps -- occasionally with turns ---- and the biggest smile you've ever seen. Ok, so I'm a sucker for the dance steps; but you haven't lived until you see the "milk dance" --- I'm sure it will be on Broadway soon enough for all to enjoy. I'm just waiting for him to ask *ME* to do the underpants dance because I'm so horrible as to ask him to put on his underpants. (in case you were wondering, the Prince has a strict no bare butts policy in the house)

Makes you just want to drop trou and wiggle, huh? No? Yeah -- me neither.


Blogger Sarah said...

I hear your pain.

We seem to be over the no underwear phase but some days, we see a lot of his little winkie.

Yes, must have underpants on at the dinner table.

Sounds like a normal boy to me.

10:51 AM  

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