Join me in Snarkville

Being snarky is the only thing that makes this place enjoyable. After all, if you can't laugh at others, how do you feel superior?

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Location: Snarkville, Left Coast

Treat me no differently than you would any Queen. I rule my Snarky kingdom with some kind of dignity, but I refuse to add grace. I rule with my Prince of a husband (he can't be King, since he married into his royal title) and my son the Duke of Snarkville.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Bits and Pieces

Eons ago, in a former life, I took saying "do you have all your bits?" when gathering things up to go. This has sadly stuck and I still ask this today. Then it was a reference to Monty Python's use of "naughty bits" and now, it is merely a reference to all the crap. I digress --- does it bother anyone that I haven't begun and I digress? I can digress on ANYTHING.
Anyway, on with the story, over the past three days so many little things have happened, I can only think to share them in little bits. So, in honor of yet another favorite movie, "let me 'splain, no there is too much, let me sum up." -- perhaps I should have gone with she's "only MOSTLY dead." but alas.
Friday is traditionally my day off (from my day job). It is the day I focus on the house we live in and attempt to return it to its upright and locked position. While this normally invovles laundry, dishes, and cussing, this Friday it involved my chair. Yes, prior to the great living room furniture move of '06, my rocker lived in the garage. This is now my spot. Kindly note the bags of knitting projects tucked to the right of my chair and the use of task lighting above my chair. This was created to be *MY* spot. One problem -- no one explained the rules of my spot to Duke. He came home from school Friday evening and walked right over to it and said, "ROCKER" and climbed up. Unfortunately he was too cute to disturb -- so it seems I'm SHARING *MY* spot. --- can we discuss how much the failed "sharing" in kindergarden? Perhaps Duke is trying to teach me?
Friday, part deux.
We've often discussed that my backyard needs a little bit of "thinning" out? right? Oh, I mentioned the only thing that would help it was fire and lots of it? Yes, well -- same thing right? So as part of my "day off" I went out and attacked some ivy growing along the fence and into an overgrown dog run. I'm not a fan of dog runs in general -- and have NO desire to ever put my doggie in it -- -- but I have a bit of a fear of mice/rats/ROUS [rodent of unusual size]. I heard that they like the ivy to nest, breed, feel homey in --- so out it must go -- yesterday! So I pulled, killed, cut, destoyed for a solid 30 minutes. It doesn't even look like I made a dent -- but trust me I FILLED the 65 gallon yard waste pail and now must wait until it is emptied to have a go again. Now I need good ideas of what to do with a dog run once I have it cleaned out? Is there some landscaping decorator out there willing to shed some light on subject?
Saturday and the car.
Prince took my car to the car wash for the full mani and pedi it needed. It looks great -- came home a completely different color than when it left. However, on his way out he mentioned that when he came home he would need 3 hours to wash his car. THREE HOURS? Excuse me? So, I had to head off to prove a point. I got Duke and I dressed. We then headed down to the car and washed and dryed the whole thing together in under an hour --- this included chasing down the distracted two year old, re-washing the same quarter panel three times, and being stopped by every single neighbor that there was a parade going on downtown and we should go -- ignore the fact that it was DURING Duke's nap and go to a parade -- can we say recipe for Mommy stress? So, once done -- and getting a soaking wet Duke to come back upstairs, I had him fed lunch and off to nap before my car came home. Yep, I'm a wonder woman -- but then again, in my defense -- I had "help" I might have needed three hours if I didn't have a 2 year old to help me. ;)
Saturday and the city
There was a sitter at my door at 5pm. Duke said, "bye" and we were off. We met a friend for dinner and headed into the city to watch sunset from the bay. It was beautiful and worth every shivering second of it. But that's not the point at all. Come to find out it must have been PROM night. Yup -- Prom Night. We saw more girls dressed in horrible prom dresses and boys? Boys? Those boys were in the formal wear equavilant to jeans and a t-shirt. I don't get it. First, there was the girl who walked by while we were at the table eating. She was wearing a BRIGHT green strapless (and skirtless I might add) dress. It had ruffles, but they were pulled way too tight across her tummy, ass, and back. She was falling over the top because she poured a size 14 body into a size 8 dress -- and let me remind everyone -- it HAS to go somewhere. But then there was the length. First, Duke will NOT be allowed to date this dress EVER. Let's leave it at -- ass cheeks are NOT attractive hanging out of the bottom of a formal gown. Now all of this was pretty awful -- then there was her date. No tux for him -- no -- probably too conservative. He wore tux parts. There were too big pants, no coat, some sort of tie and I'm not entirely sure he bathed. It was bad enough for me to long for blue velevet's return.


Anonymous Niki said...

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Sorry. With all of the Princess Bride references (only my 2nd favorite movie of all time!), especially the ROUS's, I just couldn't help it! I have frequently thought that our dog may be an ROUS. The living room looks great - that is the perfect spot for the rocker, even if you do have to share. And let me tell you that you were suckered into the car washing thing. Prince knew good and well that you can't refuse a challenge! One more thing - if you think the dresses are bad now, wait until Prince brings one home that is the 80's revisited #3 version!

2:23 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Oh my, that must have been quite a sight to behold at dinner!

Love the knitting chair.

2:53 PM  

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