Join me in Snarkville

Being snarky is the only thing that makes this place enjoyable. After all, if you can't laugh at others, how do you feel superior?

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Location: Snarkville, Left Coast

Treat me no differently than you would any Queen. I rule my Snarky kingdom with some kind of dignity, but I refuse to add grace. I rule with my Prince of a husband (he can't be King, since he married into his royal title) and my son the Duke of Snarkville.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I don't read aloud properly

I know there are people in this world who can read a book aloud and it is like listening to the very author speak. These people, without having read the item first, can put the exact right tone on every single word. They never stumble over the names of people who have too many vowels. I, sadly, am not one of these people. My mother is. The Queen Mum has the most delightful reading voice. If I could figure out how to get her discovered in the world of books on tape, I would. As a child, she would read in the car -- from the newspaper -- and make the world around me come alive. My father delights in listening to her. Yup, that gene is going to die with her.

Now, I don't think of myself as a poor reader, I'm just not my mother and will never be asked to read aloud in public EVER. But I always thought myself capable of private readings of bedtime stories to my son. You'd think after the 9 billionth reading of Dr. Suess I might get it right. Probably not. My attention span, which is roughly the size of a gnat, does not allow me to remember that Mr. Brown is a wonder or that the Cat in the Hat comes back with Thing One and Thing Two. (odd sidenote: Did you know that Dr. Suess once wrote porn? I heard it somewhere -- perhaps total fiction -- but I heard that he began to write for kids to atone for his "adult writing" In college, we had great fun trying to think what he'd write, "No, I wouldn't in a car, or in a bar, or with a goat or in a moat...") But again, I digress.

Last night, it was time to tuck a spun-up beyond belief Duke into bed. Now, I change his pants, put his undershirt on (I like to call it his diaper removal prevention suit), and his PJs. He DID.NOT want to go to bed and told me, "No, Jammers." more times than I can count. So, I got him dressed. I called for the Prince for tucking in services. Prince was busy and said he'd be right in. So, I pulled down the book we had been reading -- the complete Thomas the Tank Engine series -- and began. Literally, two sentences in, Prince walks in. Duke gets all excited and says, "Daddy read." then "Night, Night, Mama, I love you." I get a hug and sent on my way. Now, I'm not upset that Daddy gets to read -- I was just amused that at TWO and a HALF, my son already knows that I'm not meant to be reading aloud. Either that or I should only be reading the "Zoo Book" (Put me in the Zoo) which I hate with a passion.

Well, I guess I should be off to read silently -- would hate to disturb the cats or dog with my "reading"


Blogger badmommy said...

Here's the place for the Queen Mum to get discovered! Check out Tell her not to forget the little people when she gets famous....

7:46 PM  

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