Join me in Snarkville

Being snarky is the only thing that makes this place enjoyable. After all, if you can't laugh at others, how do you feel superior?

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Location: Snarkville, Left Coast

Treat me no differently than you would any Queen. I rule my Snarky kingdom with some kind of dignity, but I refuse to add grace. I rule with my Prince of a husband (he can't be King, since he married into his royal title) and my son the Duke of Snarkville.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

So you want to know about it?

Yes, I know -- I'd want the gory details too if I didn't get to go. So, since I live to serve here's the all the great details.

First, if you, my dear internet friends, want to know the official review I wrote for the world, please read this. Since it is long, and I'm not going to re-write it here, you may wish to read it, just to have the overview of my trip -- but that is really ship based and not nearly showing off my snarkyness. So, thus I've had to do it in bullet form, but here's my rough outline of what happened over the past few days.
  1. Lesson learned: When trying to get a spa appointment on a ship with 1200 other people and only 1 day at sea to do it in --- go EARLY and beg. We missed the second show on the second night for facials. However, I think I'm glad I got the facial.
  2. Lesson learned: When 1200 travel professionals want to bitch to the VP of a cruise line, they will not EVER stop asking the same question. And yes, that question is all about money. Not all that important what happened, but let's just say TP (travel professional) #1 mentioned something; the VP said and I quote, "We know it is a problem. We are trying to fix it. I've got three people whose sole job it is to fix it in the upcoming months. However, this problem didn't start yesterday and won't be fixed tomorrow. We are trying to work with you." Then 14, yes I counted, 14 other TPs had to ask the same damn question -- but always adding that unique twist. "When?"
  3. Lesson to be taught: In a Rock and Roll review style show, kindly Google the various songs you wish to use and find out what decade they were written in and possibly what they were about before designing your costumes and props for them. There is NO Eagles song that has any need for motorcycles on stage (see point the 4th about the motorcycles too). Case in point: If you want to put the lady lead singers in full length beaded gowns, they better be singing the Supremes or R.E.S.P.E.C.T., not "I am woman" It doesn't work. Oh, and last note on this -- When you sing --- try to find out before you begin what the real tempo of the songs are --- because you didn't have it. The only song you got the costumes right on was "Pinball Wizard" and the only song you got the tempo right on was "Rock and Roll all Night"
  4. Lesson to be taught: If you want to do biker songs on stage and use motorcycles, USE REAL MOTORCYCLES. Do not use walkers with a Motorcycle front to them -- it makes the dancers look gayer than they already are. Hell, the gay men in the audience were embarrassed for them. There is nothing cool about a walker on stage -- EVER.
  5. Funny moment: I watched a newbie waiter pour an entire pitcher of ice into the lap of one of my dining companions one evening. Not only was the act funny, it was even funnier when the victim, us, and the rest of the wait staff made fun of the pourer asking if he needed training wheels on his pitcher.
  6. Great News: Not only was this cruise free, all the adult beverages, gratuities, and cover charges for some of the dining rooms were free. And yet, even with this, I never saw a single person falling down drunk --- though many of us were pretty much stuck in that happy giddy stage.
  7. Lesson Learned: I get green at the drop of a hat. Yup, seems I was a bit ill -- without actually BEING sick --- the first night. I kept on drinking.
  8. There was gross food, I didn't mention in my review.
    1. Gross food number 1: In the Tapas place there was something called "Shrimp Shooter" It appeared to be a salt rimmed shot glass with ground shrimp in something that looks a lot like clam juice. GAG.
    2. Gross food number 2: The chili we had brought to us once had a layer of grease that I've only seen under the paper towel of fried chicken. It had to be 1/4 inch thick -- GROSS.
    3. Gross food number 3: On the buffet line, they seem incapable of keeping the scrambled eggs from completely drying out. I'm not talking about just dry. I'm talking about cracking from being so dry. And yet, the bacon was under cooked and floppy.
  9. To laugh at others: My friend who went with me, sweet as she can be and normally smart as a whip. So imagine my shock that she thought there would be cell service on the cruise ship. Not that this is that unusual except that her reasoning was that she thought there would be a cell tower on the ship. For the record, if you have not cruised before: there IS phone service on board the ships. It is called satellite phone and it is expensive!! I got a big laugh at my friend's expense asking her if she thought there were cell buoys out at sea. Guess I should have warned her.
  10. On the stuff front: I have to say this area was a little lite. I got a framed print from the ship that was pretty cool. However, I purchased a few things in the gift shop. There is a huge lack of Pride of Hawaii branded items. I would have bought more if it had only been available. How sad is that.
So, that's a wrap. Even though I don't have much branded Pride of Hawaii, I do have a little something (and don't get your hopes up here -- but it should be enough for you to know I was thinking of you all), for anyone who wants it. But there's a challenge here. There will be a special Pride of Hawaii themed gift package to the best response to this question:

"I am most deserving of the Hawaii box because...."

You may post your response in comments or with a link to your blog. The best entry will be judged by Prince, without your names attached for the most unbiased results. GO.

(Be forewarned, if this is successful the prize may get better on my Freedom of the Seas trip -- so, don't disappoint. I've got three more trips currently planned -- there's huge chances for stuff this year.)

4 Comments:

Anonymous niki said...

I am most deserving of the Hawaii box because....
1. You took Janet instead of me!
2. The only cruise I have ever been on was one of those Carnival ones, which suck.
3. It is probably the closest I will ever get to anything with "Hawaii" in the name!
4. I was working while you were off gallivanting.
5. I'm the first one with an answer!

Glad you're back, and so glad you had a good time. Ignore my whining!

6:38 AM  
Blogger badmommy said...

Pick me, pick me!

I came down with a bladder infection last week and C came down with strep today.

I could use a pick me up...

Glad you're back, safe and sound!

4:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know why I find it so amusing that you felt a little sea sick. I just assumed a person who sells cruises wouldn't.

I do, which is why I haven't cruised in 14 years. Spent the first day feeling dizzy and getting doped up on meds. WHEE!

Glad you had a good time. It sounded like a blast!

Your Secret Pal

12:10 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I deserve the Hawaiian "gear" because my Dad & his lovely wife went to Hawaii and only brought me a mumu and some macadamia nuts?

What??? No yarn, no chocolate?

Plus, my hubby has been to Hawaii but hasn't taken me. Sniff.

See???? I need a bit of Hawaiian love which your swag (and maybe some yarn) will help me get over the left out Hawaiian hump!

9:53 AM  

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