Join me in Snarkville

Being snarky is the only thing that makes this place enjoyable. After all, if you can't laugh at others, how do you feel superior?

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Location: Snarkville, Left Coast

Treat me no differently than you would any Queen. I rule my Snarky kingdom with some kind of dignity, but I refuse to add grace. I rule with my Prince of a husband (he can't be King, since he married into his royal title) and my son the Duke of Snarkville.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

I'm sitting on "Ignore"

Yes, I’m currently on "ignore" (hold to most people; here in Snarkville, we call it like it is --- IGNORE) with one of those customer “service” types. My phone actually has a timer, and I’ve officially been on the phone for 53 minutes as I type this. I’ve finished my cup of coffee (the pot to refill it is upstairs and I’m stranded without a cordless down here in the dungeon, I mean office). In addition, I FINISHED a cup of coffee which means I’m going to have to go potty here in a few minutes – wait, probably should have thought that. The music on hold SUCKS – frankly, who do you think sits and approves hold music? Do you think there is someone who listens to the selection from HoldMusic R Us and says, “Yes, I love the instrumental version of True Colors played at half speed. Let’s get that.” And if there is such a job, where do I apply because that sounds like an under-achievers dream --- do you think you could get fired from this job? What do the reviews look like? “Gee, Bob, we’ve noticed a sharp increase in people willing to sit on the phone for 56+ minutes waiting to talk to us. We feel it must be the hold music (can’t possibly be that we hired only ONE human who can actually answer questions and that person is too busy trying to teach rocks to answer the phone to do any real work). You get a bonus.” In a past life (and oh, the jobs I have had), I used to work in one of these “think tanks” – I mean call centers. Oh, what a lesson in why NOT to live in a trailer park. I worked with some really neat people; if by neat you think that having your top priority being having your 5th or 6th baby while bailing some man out of jail. I am told this was a NICE call center. I still think it is no wonder that they promoted me to a supervisor within weeks of showing up and I was only part time. It isn’t that I’m all that (I am, but that is beside the point); it was that I was a warm body who showed up on a near consistent basis --- and some people think it is advanced degrees and hard work that gets you ahead in life. I’m thinking the true secret is just to surround yourself with people lazier than yourself and shockingly you will rise to the top. You can tell I should SO influence this nation’s youth, don’t you?

I am now up to 1 hour and 15 minutes of total call time. I will grant that the rep has picked up answered (knock me over with a feather) ONE of my questions. So, now we must wait again. This is the third time I’ve heard True Colors and their little advertisement while waiting. I really need more coffee – and my bladder is not feeling any lighter. You wanted to know this right? You needed me to share?

Did I mention that I knit? (Did you get whiplash from that subject change?) Well, as you can guess my knitting is upstairs with my hot pot of coffee. Damn Knitting. Anyway, I’m working on my second sock of a lovely pair of “Socks that Rock” (For the uninformed, it is a brand of hand dyed sock yarn). I have only about a dozens socks in my stash to knit and two sweaters and that’s before I even get to the next strata of my stash. I haven’t been knitting a year and I’ve got layers in my stash. I’ve learned that knitting keeps my hands busy which not only focuses my attention on conversations and stuff around me, keeps me very calm when faced with stress. However, with my knitting a whole floor away; mocking me, telling me that it is enjoying the smell of my hot coffee (before the coffee maker turns itself off) that I can’t have and be close to the potty I so need; I’m feeling a wee bit stressful now. We are now up to a whole hour and 24 minutes. I may need to go to the post office to relax after this fun phone call.

I know all of this makes my life sound so thrilling, what with the need for a coffee and pee break along with sitting on ignore, without my knitting. Don’t hate me.


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